And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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