Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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