I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
