The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
