And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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