Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been