Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line