My liver just broke up with me...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.