Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet

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  (918): eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet http://tfl.nu/8959
  Replies (7) Good night (514) Bad night (3979)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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  (828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6
  Replies (7) Good night (2396) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back

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  (618): remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back http://tfl.nu/7hrx
  Replies (34) Good night (5428) Bad night (957)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"

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  (386): he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor" http://tfl.nu/h9m9
  Replies (26) Good night (1225) Bad night (5386)
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  (415): View more from California

  SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!

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  (415): SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT! http://tfl.nu/38ig
  Replies (26) Good night (4434) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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  (313): So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college. http://tfl.nu/hsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3119) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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  (231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc
  Replies (6) Good night (3767) Bad night (769)
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  (510): View more from California

  Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.

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  (510): Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today. http://tfl.nu/bpyv
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (1917)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he's gonorrhea incarnate

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  (201): he's gonorrhea incarnate http://tfl.nu/krir
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

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  (440): Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period http://tfl.nu/lfle
  Replies (8) Good night (2194) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.

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  (719): She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment. http://tfl.nu/ge6f
  Replies (3) Good night (362) Bad night (620)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear

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  (215): I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear http://tfl.nu/l6yx
  Replies (2) Good night (298) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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  (860): I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me http://tfl.nu/egc4
  Replies (4) Good night (591) Bad night (176)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?

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  (+44): My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me? http://tfl.nu/odch
  Replies (1) Good night (446) Bad night (150)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die

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  (269): It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die http://tfl.nu/03yf
  Replies (1) Good night (265) Bad night (164)

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