It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
