Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl
  Replies (36) Good night (2062) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach? http://tfl.nu/arsp
  Replies (31) Good night (2159) Bad night (3394)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets. http://tfl.nu/agl3
  Replies (48) Good night (1242) Bad night (4424)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos http://tfl.nu/9f8x
  Replies (11) Good night (5579) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight. http://tfl.nu/8i8j
  Replies (12) Good night (928) Bad night (3608)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later. http://tfl.nu/dwy3
  Replies (34) Good night (931) Bad night (9610)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me. http://tfl.nu/nie2
  Replies (9) Good night (3985) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage. http://tfl.nu/zk4v
  Replies (9) Good night (1203) Bad night (2682)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents? http://tfl.nu/2gwr
  Replies (13) Good night (682) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. http://tfl.nu/02m3
  Replies (8) Good night (1899) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager. http://tfl.nu/vpf4
  Replies (5) Good night (1613) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit http://tfl.nu/ybl7
  Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele. http://tfl.nu/5la0
  Replies (1) Good night (967) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5 http://tfl.nu/krr8
  Replies (8) Good night (752) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage http://tfl.nu/us4q
  Replies (0) Good night (597) Bad night (254)

Randomize