Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
