like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
