So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
