She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
