Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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