marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
