Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
