Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
