this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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