I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
