i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize