Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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