New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
