I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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