If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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