That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
