Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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