as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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