you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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