My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
