im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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