What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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