You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
