I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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