I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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