The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
