when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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