The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
