i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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