I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
