My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize