Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
