this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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