I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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