I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
