I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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