so let's talk penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
