Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
