im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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