i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
