it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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