the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bring me that man meat
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
