A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
