I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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