my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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