my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
that is very illegal...i love you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
