they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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