FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
