I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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