That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
