Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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