My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
