then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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