So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Still dying that you shit outside
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
