i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
