Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
