Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
