seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
