he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
