only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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